Funny Birthday Wishes for Friends and Family
In a world where everyone says, "Happy Birthday!," wouldn't you rather say something else?
In a world where everyone says, "Happy Birthday!," wouldn't you rather say something else?
In a world where everyone says, "Happy Birthday!," wouldn't you rather say something else?
Whether you're looking for a wholesome birthday joke to share with grandma or something a little darker to poke fun at your aging best friend, you'll find something hilarious to steal below.
This list of funny birthday wishes starts tame and works its way down to the potentially offensive. Don't say we didn't warn you!
This list of funny birthday wishes has clever jests and jokes for people of any age.
What goes up, up, up and never comes down? Your age!
Congratulations! You've never been as old as you are right now.
I didn't forget your birthday. I just wanted to make you feel special on TWO days of the year. Happy birthday!
If it can't be my birthday, I guess I'll settle for yours. Have a great birthday!
What's the only thing you're guaranteed to get every birthday? A year older!
Did you know that science has proven that birthdays are good for you? The more you have, the longer you live.
Who cares about your birthday? It's all about the cake!
Happy birthday to the best family member ever. Wait…did I say "to"? I meant "from."
Happy birthday to a mom with the BEST kid in the world!
As a true friend, I always remember your birthday but never your age. We're all 29 here! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, big sister! It's so thoughtful of you to always be a few years older than me.
You're not old; you're a classic. Happy birthday!
Tip: To make your birthday card more memorable, try combining a funny joke with a thoughtful note! Check out some of our tips on what to write in a birthday card to get some easy ideas for adding a personalized message.
If you've got a lover of words in your family or friend group, these birthday puns will be an instant hit. They're perfect for kids and kids at heart.
What do clams do on their birthdays? Shell-ebrate.
Happy birthday to EWE, my sweet little lamb!
What do you say to a bunny on their birthday? Hoppy birthday!
What's a birthday balloon's least favorite type of music? Pop.
What's a cat's favorite birthday treat? Mice cream cake.
What does a candle do on its birthday? Gets LIT!
Why does butter love birthdays? There are so many toasts!
What did one fish say to another on their birthday? You BETA party hard!
What do cavemen do for their birthday? Go clubbing.
It makes perfect sense that today's your birthday… 'cause you take the cake!
Hap-PEA birthday to my better half! I'm so very glad we're two peas in a pod.
Of all the whale jokes I could make to the sibling I always tease…I'll play it safe this time. Have a WHALE of a birthday!
What did the pickle say to the hot dog on his birthday? I'll help you RELISH your day!
What does a cat do for his birthday? Purr-ty all night long.
The universal truth about birthdays? They make us older! Jokingly point out your loved one's rapid aging with these cheerful (and not too dark) jokes about birthdays and aging.
Happy birthday? Should I book the Botox appointment?
You're young at heart (but maaaaaybe just a little bit older in other places). Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! You don't look a day older than yesterday.
They say that age is relative. So as your relative, it's my duty to say you're OLD!
If you think about it, birthdays are really just participation awards for life. So here's yours, champ!
Today is your birthday. I know your memory is starting to go…so I just thought I'd remind you.
Happy birthday! Is this text large enough for you to read?
Whew! I'm exhausted. I had to search all around town to find a cake big enough to fit all your candles.
Happy birthday to the last remaining dinosaur on the planet. How does it feel to be one of a kind?!
One year older…one year closer to that sweet, sweet senior citizen's discount.
Happy birthday! You may not be getting younger, but at least you're not as old as you will be next year!
Age is just a number…and you can always lie about it anyway. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Be sure to hit the bar before your 6 PM bedtime!
You aren't 60. You're 29 plus shipping and handling.
You aren't 70. You're just 50 with 20 years of experience.
Happy birthday! Don't worry—you're not old. You're ancient!
I was going to put your birthday in dog years, but turns out I can't multiply that high. Happy birthday anyway!
Some of the wittiest writers, comedians, and artists in history have left us their thoughts on aging, and they've said it better than most of us could. Add one of these funny birthday quotes to round out your card:
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." – Oscar Wilde
"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine." – PG Wodehouse
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." – Oliver Wendell Holmes
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old." – Mark Twain
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle." – Bob Hope
"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." – Ogden Nash
"[Old age is] a great time of life. You get to take advantage of people, and you're not responsible for anything. – George Carlin
For those who embrace the bleaker side of humor, it's never too early to say, "Happy one-day-closer-to-death day!" Try out one of the more biting birthday messages below—but use them with caution.
We're all getting older every single day. What makes YOU so special?
Happy birthday! May you live to be toothless, forgetful, and hard of hearing.
One more birthday, one year closer to your ultimate demise. Ready to celebrate?
I don't know why you get all the credit when your mom did all the work… but happy birthday anyway.
Happy birthday! I'm pretty sure you've officially entered the "Dirty Old Man" age. Don't be a creeper.
What do you and classic literature have in common? You're old and everyone pretends to like you.
Be careful going out tonight. At your age, "falling-down drunk" takes on a whole new meaning!
Happy birthday! You're now one year closer to adult diapers and memory loss. Congrats!
Hey! Congratulations on not dying this year!
So you made it another 365 days without dying? Sounds like it's time to party!
Happy birthday—a day where you put your mother in excruciating pain and then everything only went downhill from there. Way to go, champ!
This birthday card says I remembered your birthday…but didn't care enough to buy you a gift. Happy birthday!
Happy anniversary of the great uterine escape. Let's celebrate!
Don't forget that any time you're feeling down, you can always change your birthday on Facebook to get sweet birthday wishes from people you don't know.
Another birthday already? Don't go dying on me.
Happy birthday! If this were the 1800s, you'd already be dead. Lucky you!
Looking for the perfect birthday card to write your joke in? Then check out Foxdog's creative birthday cards! You can choose your favorite card, write your birthday joke and message, and have us send your personalized card directly to the birthday boy or girl. Spend time perfecting your joke—not shopping for cards.
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